The Words given by My Dad That Rescued Me as a Brand-New Father

"In my view I was just trying to survive for a year."

Former Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey expected to manage the demands of fatherhood.

However the actual experience quickly turned out to be "utterly different" to what he'd imagined.

Severe health issues during the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was forced into acting as her primary caregiver while also caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I was doing each nighttime feed, each diaper… every walk. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan stated.

Following 11 months he burnt out. That was when a conversation with his parent, on a park bench, that helped him see he couldn't do it alone.

The direct phrases "You aren't in a good place. You need some help. How can I help you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and regain his footing.

His story is commonplace, but rarely discussed. While the public is now more comfortable discussing the pressure on moms and about postpartum depression, less is said about the difficulties dads face.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan thinks his difficulties are linked to a larger failure to communicate amongst men, who still hold onto damaging notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and stays upright every time."

"It's not a show of being weak to seek help. I failed to do that fast enough," he adds.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, explains men frequently refuse to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can believe they are "not justified to be seeking help" - especially in front of a mother and child - but she highlights their mental state is just as important to the household.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the opportunity to ask for a break - going on a short trip abroad, separate from the domestic setting, to gain perspective.

He understood he had to make a shift to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions as well as the logistical chores of looking after a infant.

When he opened up to Louise, he realised he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has transformed how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo letters each week about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the language of emotional life and understand his decisions as a father.

The concept of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen did not have consistent male a father figure. Even with having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences meant his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says bottling up emotions caused him to make "bad choices" when younger to modify how he felt, turning in substance use as an escape from the hurt.

"You turn to behaviours that are harmful," he says. "They may briefly alter how you feel, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Advice for Coping as a First-Time Parent

• Open up to someone - if you feel swamped, tell a friend, your other half or a counsellor what you're going through. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel less isolated.
• Keep up your interests - keep doing the pursuits that helped you to feel like you before becoming a parent. Examples include playing sport, socialising or playing video games.
• Look after the physical health - nutritious food, staying active and where possible, getting some sleep, all contribute in how your mental state is coping.
• Meet other new dads - sharing their stories, the messy ones, along with the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Know that requesting help is not failure - looking after your own well-being is the most effective way you can care for your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen naturally found it hard to accept the passing, having had no contact with him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's resolved not to "repeat the pattern" with his child and instead offer the safety and emotional support he lacked.

When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - processing the emotions in a healthy way.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they acknowledged their struggles, altered how they express themselves, and figured out how to control themselves for their children.

"I'm better… dealing with things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I wrote, at times I believe my role is to teach and advise you what to do, but actually, it's a dialogue. I am understanding as much as you are on this path."